So, your conscience has been bothering you and you want to do more to save the environment. Good for you, stud. But going green means more than recycling your newspapers and jugs of prune juice. You’ve gotta walk the walk and that means sweeping changes across your life. Even sex. No more flushing those condoms or flinging them out the window. No more gas powered vibrators or lubricants made from seals and bald eagle blood. That inflatable woman that gets you through the night will emit harmful toxins into the atmosphere when you toss her into the fire pit to destroy DNA evidence.

If you want to save the planet, you’ve got to start in the bedroom. At the very least, it will provide you with a handy excuse for the weak performance. You know what I’m talking about, champ. Now go get her and save the rain forests. Here are some handy tips to get you started.

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