Space truckin’
If I could do it all over, and go back to the time when my mind was young, things would be different. I’d study and do my homework. I’d work the portions of my brain still in development and I’d steer clear of delicious chemicals so I wouldn’t end up like I am now, occasionally drooling and forgetting important parts of the language, which forces me to subsitute the word “stuff” all over the place.
“Mr. LaFlamme. You’ve just rescued a family of nine, as well as their ferrets, from a burning home. How do you feel?”
“Well, Chad. The fire was really burning and stuff and I knew that the family was in trouble and stuff and so I went in and did… you know, stuff. I’m just glad I got them out of that burning… building thingy. Where their beds and TVs… is.”
You may cite the very limited intelligence required to become a billionaire rap star these days, but all that is coming to an end. In the future, the scientists and particularly particle physicists will be the world’s rock stars. These are the people who will discover life in other parts of the world. It is these brainiacs who will uncover hidden dimensions and figure out how we can best exploit them. (Hey, look! Shakira can shake her hips in six different directions now! I’m going out and getting a poster of Stephen Hawking, the beautiful man who enabled that ability!)
The scientists will someday figure out how we can use as fuel the cosmic junk that bombards our planet every day. They will manipulate quantum particles to make our computers unimaginably faster and then shrink those computers so that they will fit inside our ears.
Rock stars, heaped with praise and adoration and deservedly so. And who more deserves a rock ‘n roll trip through space than the man who brought black holes out of the realm of science fiction? You may think black holes have nothing to do with you, but wait until we start manufacturing them in the super colliders. You’ll never need to do dishes again and impotence will be a thing of the past. For starters. We’re talking gravity, people.
Sometime soon, when we go down to the Cage for a night of table trashing, I’ll be plugging quarters into the quantum jukebox to play Micheo Kaku’s greatest hits rather than the Doors. I know you all can’t wait.
…
April 26th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
I predict that the first black hole that is manufactured in a super collider will suck in everything it can before it collapses on itself. The last words of the scientists will be “Didja @#$%^&* see that shit!?” But like the last words of Einstien, those words will forever be lost to history.
Either that or the whole damn thing is just gonna blow up and leave a huge crater wherever the damn thing is built.
April 26th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Give us as much notice as you can Mark — “save the date” — I’d really hate to miss it!
April 27th, 2007 at 12:43 am
You know, that’s not a science fiction scenario. Could happen. But if the whole damn solar system gets sucked down into a man created blackhole, at least we’ll finally discover what’s at the singularity. My guess: a big wad of Spam.
April 27th, 2007 at 12:55 am
The kudos and admiration of billions will belong to the first being to invent the Infinite Improbability Drive.
Which is what will cause Zaphod to steal it in the first place.
April 27th, 2007 at 3:20 am
Ah, infinite improbability. From the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, isn’t it? Based on real science, too. More quantum weirdness, where a single particle can be in two places at the same time. I love this shit. If that particle is on, say, Park Street, but also in the galaxy Bigboobius, why I could walk from the offices of the Sun Journal and take a smoke break in that well endowed part of the cosmos. Faster than light speed. Dare to dream, man. Dare to dream.
April 27th, 2007 at 8:41 am
42, my peeps . . . . 42
That’s the number !
April 27th, 2007 at 8:43 am
I told you bout living in the U.S. of A.
Dont you know that Im a gangster of love
Let me tell you people that I found a new way
And Im tired of all this talk about love
And the same old story with a new set of words
About the good and the bad and the poor
And the times keep on changin
So Im keepin on top
Of every fat cat who walks through my door
Im a space cowboy
Bet you werent ready for that
Im a space cowboy
Im sure you know where its at
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I was born on this rock
And Ive been travelin through space
Since the moment I first realized
What all you fast talkin cats would do if you could
You know, Im ready for the final surprise
There aint no way around it
Aint nothing to say
Thats gonna satisfy my soul deep inside
All the prayers and surveyors
Keep the whole place uptight
While it keeps on gettin darker outside
Im a space cowboy
Bet you werent ready for that
Im a space cowboy
Im sure you know where its at
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I see the show downs, slow downs, lost and found, turn arounds
The boys in the military shirts
I keep my eyes on the prize, on the long fallen skies
And I dont let my friends get hurt
All you back room schemers, small trip dreamers
Better find something new to say
Cause youre the same old story
Its the same old crime
And you got some heavy dues to pay
Steve Miller Band
April 27th, 2007 at 8:48 am
She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And i’m gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much i miss my wife
It’s lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight
And i think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think i am at home
Oh no no no i’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone
Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it’s cold as hell
And there’s no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science i don’t understand
It’s just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man
And i think it’s gonna be a long long time…
Elton John
April 27th, 2007 at 8:53 am
Now, if there is a “Mile High Club” for activity in aircraft, I wonder what the Club is when they get it on out there on the space shuttle. And, what do they do when they run out of ACB !?
April 27th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Not to mention:
We had a lot of luck on Venus
We always had a ball on Mars
Meeting all the groovey people
We’ve rocked the Milky Way so far
We danced around with Borealice
We’re space truckin’ round the the stars
Come on let’s go Space Truckin’
Remember when we did the moonshot
And Pony Trekker led the way
We’d move to the Canaveral moonstop
And everynaut would dance and sway
We got music in our solar system
We’re space truckin’ round the stars
Come on let’s go Space Truckin’
The fireball that we rode was moving
But now we’ve got a new machine
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah the freaks said
Man those cats can really swing
They got music in their solar system
They’ve rocked around the Milky Way
They dance around the Borealice
They’re Space Truckin’ everyday
Come on
April 27th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
“I want to encourage public interest in space,” Professor Hawking said. “I think the human race has no future if it doesn’t go into space. Life on Earth is at the ever-increasing risk of being wiped out by a disaster, such as sudden global warming, nuclear war, a genetically engineered virus or other dangers we have not yet thought of.”
September 22nd, 2011 at 1:36 pm
tolle bichenpla die serient den wakochen ohne fatom. berunge mir schma die veknilt und wabfacken den igege und atzen den hasch mit vorbich.
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