What do you get when you cross a corn-fed Texan with a powerful arm, regular shots in the ass and a hankering for country music? Why, you get Roger Clemens and just no end to the number of jokes you can make up all by yourself. The baseball references alone will keep you busy into morning. The slider, the breaking ball, the knuckler. Showing bunt, getting yanked, having a conference at the mound.

Then there are country music references and the fact that his nickname is The Rocket and my God, we might have to take the day off from work just to keep up with our mirth. What do you get if you play a Mindy McCready album backwards? You get your truck back, your wife back and a Hall of Famer sticks his hand up your skirt.

For instance.

I’ve always preferred those baseball players with a taste for beer and a commitment to skirt chasing. But this all-American boy warped the tradition. Instead of drinking beer, he preferred engineered chemicals poked into his ass. Instead of chasing women, he went after a girl just a couple years into puberty. If the allegations are true, that is. And if Rocket Clemens’ libido is anywhere near as large as his ego, it’s not tough to believe.

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