Great head
I suck at writing headlines. Most news reporters will slap a suggested head above their stories and many of them end up in the paper. But not me. I don’t even try. Because if I have a hot story and try to write a headline for it, I’ll write something that looks like this:
MAN SHOT IN BUTTOCKS AFTER SCRAP AT HONKY TONK OVER SELECTION OF MUSIC ON JUKEBOX AND ARGUMENT OVER WOMAN NAMED BETTY LOU. IT WAS REALLY COOL, MAN, YOU SHOULDA SEEN IT
So I don’t even bother anymore. Which is too bad because writing headlines is a talent all it’s own. Create a great head and readers won’t be able to resist your story. Their eyes will be drawn to it like some weird form of hypnosis. Which is what’s happening right now as you gaze upon the following.
$5,000 REWARD OFFERED IN SEXUAL ATTACK OF PIT BULL PUPPY
You want to read it and you will. Whereas you don’t give a damn about the man with a cap in his ass or the long-suffering honky tonk temptress Betty Lou.
January 18th, 2007 at 1:37 am
One of the best to date was GWB’s warning to Sadaam about using any type of chemical or biological weapon against our troops.
“We Will Nuke You”
January 18th, 2007 at 6:02 am
This “Mush From the Wimp” story is my favorite classic headline story, though I do comb Mark’s “Regret The Error” section for new favorite screw-ups.
http://www.answers.com/topic/mush-from-the-wimp
As for that poor puppy — yech! But it does make me think of the “Do You Take It?” video by The Wet Spots. Find it if you want to, you know how. NSFW, needless to say.
January 18th, 2007 at 6:03 am
C’est moi. Cleaning house again.
January 18th, 2007 at 8:01 am
Well, some people are just plain sick in the head.
January 18th, 2007 at 8:36 am
Dewey Wins!
Nuff Said!
January 18th, 2007 at 10:48 am
* Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
* Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
* Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
* House passes gas tax onto senate
* Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
* Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
* William Kelly was fed secretary
* Milk drinkers are turning to powder
* Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
* Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
* Farmer bill dies in house
* Iraqi head seeks arms
January 18th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Shooting at midnite, details at 11….
January 18th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Ha! Damn, Robert. I had to think about that one.
January 18th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
The SJ made Leno with: WORKERS WANT CRACK AT EGG FARM
But my favorite is from Airplane: BOY TRAPPED IN FREEZER EATS OWN FOOT
January 18th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
I wouldn’t touch this one with a ten-foot pole. Think about it, Maine Man!
January 18th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
MAN SHOT IN BUTTOCKS AFTER SCRAP AT HONKY TONK OVER SELECTION OF MUSIC ON JUKEBOX AND ARGUMENT OVER WOMAN NAMED BETTY LOU.
Hey, that was my childhood name! Swear to God that wasn’t me, although many men have fought over me! Are you listening, TH? LOL …
January 18th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
Hey, that actually happened, minus the bullet in buttocks. At a bar in downtown Lewiston a few years ago.
January 18th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Hey, that actually happened, minus the bullet in buttocks. At a bar in downtown Lewiston a few years ago.
January 18th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
TORNADO HITS COLORADO PIG FARM…….
SHIT STORM HITS KANSAS……..Film at 11
January 18th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Bobbie, thanks for making me think of way too many visuals on that one….Mark – what do you mean a few years ago, wasn’t that just last weekend (again?)
Betty I’m not touching that with a 10 foot pole or 2 five foot Ukrainians…
Headlines never written:
No lIne safe to Touch – The John Baldacci Story
January 18th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Brawl erupted at Del’s in a lover’s spat during the song “If Men Can Do it,” or some shit like that. The next day, there were fierce debates over what was really playing when it all began.
January 18th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
ACTIVIST WRESTLES ALLIGATOR FOR THE ATTENTION OF BETTY DRAVIS
GreenPeace revokes his membership…….see Mark LaFlammes pulse pounding report at 11
January 18th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
Hey, Robert, how about ten one-foot Maineliners? Got any that short back in the Northeast?
Mark, that song title reminds me of a saying I had above my desk in the good old days: Whatever men do, women can do better; luckily this is not difficult. That was ironic because all the men who subscribed to my Union newspaper were Union Bosses, you know those big, tough, burly guys who are reputed to bust “knee-caps” and such drivel? Well, they saw that sign when they came in to deliver their news to me (on a daily basis,) and I still have my knee-caps. Don’t know about my sanity, though.
So what’s that have to do with headlines? Absolutely nothing!
January 18th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Yeah. But look what you went and did. You tempted Treehugger out of his swampy exile.
January 18th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Hey, my heart is pounding. The irresistible TH came out of the woods … er … make that the swamps. Do they really have ‘gators in Lewiston? Hmmmmmm … Good headline! I’m going to frame that one!
TH, is that a political activist or one of environmental persuasion?
Now, where’s my Linda??? Still cleaning house? I gave up on that years ago; I’d rather be writing and/or chasing TH.
January 18th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
OOPS, TH. Greenpeace AND your name should’ve given me a clue. I’m just so used the the political activism I missed the “Greenpeace.” See how you set my head to swimming?
Duh …
January 18th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Actually…. I’m just active.
The Weasel branded me with the moniker eons ago when we were just thrashing around in a mudpuddle!
January 18th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
I heard Treehugger was looking for a green piece…..
January 18th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
Ha! you all are crazier than usual today. Are we back to the Telephone game?
Betty, I’ve been at work, meetings all afternoon. I don’t really clean house, I just obsessively clean up my hard drive (you would think I was trying to hide a porn addiction but no …) and then my next post is Anonymous.
January 18th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Clean house. That’s funny. I’m just NOW getting to putting away the rest of my Christmas decorations. I just haven’t had the time or energy.
January 18th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Active sounds good to me. If you’re still moving, you’re still living, TH. But if you’re been thrashing in the MUD with the Weasel (who the heck is the Weasel I’ve been hearing so much about?) then perhaps you don’t wanna come swimming in my CLEAN pool out here in California. (I guarantee NO ‘gators.) Dang … just my luck! Get a big fish on my line and he’s already taken … by a WEASEL no less! Grin!
I think I’ll ignore that “green piece” thingy by Robert. Don’t want my YA fans to catch me getting too raunchy.
But now for a nice clean commentator: LINDA. What a relief, girl, to know you’re NOT cleaning house. Thanks for reminding me … my harddrive needs a good cleaning too. But THIS is as close to porn as I will ever get. Hey, are you telling me that YOU are the ANONYMOUS commentator on ATF? Hmmmmmmmmmm …
January 18th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Ahh…The Weasel. He loves non monkey meat pizza.
January 18th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Yes, Anonymous is usually me.
January 18th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Betty, WTF, too raunchy? Here? Gee I don’t think that’s possible!
January 18th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
Too raunchy? Here? Not possible. We’re a pretty raunchy crowd. And, I was never even been the least bit raunchy until…I met Mark.
January 18th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
AO, I like Monkey meat, can you hook me up?
Betty, I could clean your hard drive(wink) and the thing with me and the Weasel, well it goes back to the days of YAWN, when we were bringing up Flammer. He was a cub reporter and we were sort of raising him as our own.
He was lost in metro area of L/A East and needed mentor’s.
Weasel and I have formed a sort of alliance which is the envy of many
January 18th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Sadly, Treehugger, no. No more monkey meat. Maybe you can find some at Shaw’s or, Gorgio’s.
January 18th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
Jeez AO did you have monkey meat in your old freezer too? What else was in there?
Treehugger, friendship is a beautiful thing.
January 19th, 2007 at 3:28 am
Ah-ha … Now I understand why I’m acting so out of character: RAUNCHY! Blame it on Mark! Thanks Linda and AO for setting me straight on that one.
Oh, joy, the big TH is winking at me; boy have I got IT! Mae West to the max! And I see from one of AO’s comments that the Weasel is a guy, so alliance or NO alliance, I’m not gonna get jealous of THAT kind of friendship! (Wink back atcha! I bet you guys have a wonderful friendship; makes me all warm and fuzzy.)
But two guys raising our Mark? So that’s what happened to him? Hmmmmmm …
January 19th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
treehugger’s moniker is misleading, he’s not really an environmentalist at all as far as I could see; and you’re really asking for trouble you never imagined, asking for weasel! ! Although I kinda miss him, in a backwards & twisted sort of way.
maybe his clock’s broken, that cuckoo cuckoo clock?
January 19th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
if anyone’s an environmentalist around here it’s probably k2, protecting the weed…
January 19th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Woe comes to he who invokes the name of his Weasleness.
January 19th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
WOE is right! Whoa….!