Coffee will kill you, or possibly save your life
I don’t know what to believe anymore. One day they’ll tell you that chocolate is the elixer for long life. It will balance your moods and preserve your sanity. It will curb your appetite for fattier foods and prolong erections. Chocolate, they will tell you, might cure baldness and pregnancy.
A week later, the dark stuff is classified as a scheduled drug, right up there with crack. Chocolate will cause your heart to explode with enough force that bits of it will exit your nostrils. But not before you go on a tri-state killing spree because the junk also rots your brain.
It’s an upside down world. Maybe tomorrow, cigarettes will be declared as healthy as celery and water will be deemed deadly.
And now this:
Research suggests people who drink more than seven cups of instant coffee a day have an increased tendency to hallucinate. High caffeine users may even think they sense non-existent people, according to researchers from the University of Durham.
That’s very interesting, University of Durham. The Bulls, isn’t it? And that’s what I’m declaring the report. Absolute bull. I drink seven cups of coffee every day and I never hallucinate. I have mood swings, crying jags and occasional rectal trauma, but no hallucinations.
And the same day that news hit the fan, so did this:
Finish and Swedish scientists found that middle-aged people who drink a moderate amount of coffee may significantly reduce their risk of getting Alzheimer’s disease later in life, Agence France-Presse reported.
Which is it, medical schizophrenics? Coffee very good? Or coffee very bad?
It’s the scientific form of crying wolf. Why take the medical community’s advice on things when contrary data is likely to emerge in short time? Drinking and driving actually improves your chances of not killing someone. Heroin injections may ward off AIDS. Crab lice make great pets.
We could go on and on.
January 16th, 2009 at 4:18 am
Don’t you start on my coffee and my chocolate! Do you have any idea what I’d be like without the stuff?
January 16th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Ah yes the studies – It’s always something & they never get it right. 20 years ago we were headed toward another ice age – now it’s global warming & carbon footprints – we’ll be back to the big freeze warnings some day. Red M&Ms, lead based paint, beef, coffee, MSG, nuclear power, 2nd hand smoke …. all gonna kill us. ‘Experts’ get on my nerves. It’s all about government grants for ‘studies’, the eventual control over the masses & new ways to try to screw us over. When the words “a new study finds that…..” – I zone the hell out.
January 16th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Yeah. The sonsabitches. If I want to put lead paint on my bacon cheeseburger, by golly, I’m gonna do it!
January 16th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
OMG….Coffee is the breakfast for champions…apparently the morons who say its bad for us did not ever drink coffee nor have they had a dunkaccino from dunks….now thats the way to wake up everyday chocolate in your coffee…..
January 16th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Guess I’m screwed. On average I consume just under 200 ounces of coffee per day. 4- 20 oz cups minimum during the day & a pot of it after dinner (96 oz in a 12 cup pot). It’s 288 ounces on Saturdays (when I write through the night). Wonder if that’s why I chew Rolaids nonstop? Gotta try the lead paint on the bacon cheeseburger – sounds kinda like a 3 stooges garnish.
January 16th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
I drink at least a pot of coffee a day. But Denisa, I prefer my chocolate on the side. A good old Symphony bar and a good Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and I’m in heaven.
January 16th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
I don’t know how anyone can get through the day without at least 6 cups of coffee. Bad for you? So is everything else.
January 16th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Life will kill ya!
January 16th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Tell it like it is AO!
January 18th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Those pussies who did this “study” would have never made it in the military. We made ours so strong that you had to cut it with a knife. Of course we had hallucinations, but I blame that on all the LSD experiments. Not by the government, our own experiments. but the coffee was great.
January 22nd, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I figure if French people do it a ton, the hobby is probably fine for me. Wine, coffee, eating…those Europeans do it all and live a long time. Although maybe they live longer because they aren’t worried about these kind of things like us neurotic Americans…